i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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