he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
