Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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