watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
