1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
