I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
