A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We need a shit load of segways right now
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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