I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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