Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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