I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
