you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
