we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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