There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
