Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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