remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
