I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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