oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
