Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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