its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
