I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
