After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
