Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
