She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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