god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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