I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
