if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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