ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
