I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
