I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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