her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
