my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
