Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
