swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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