I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
