what day is it and did you see me today?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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