he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
