Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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