I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
