You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
