I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
