She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
