They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
