youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
