I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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