i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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