Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
