i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
