My liver just broke up with me...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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