Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
