oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
