Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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