My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
