well I can't set my house on fire every night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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