matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
